goodbye mom

well this last week of my life has been the craziest ever. I received a phone call on Thursday morning from my sister saying that my mom is in the hospital in ICU. It was my first panic attack I have ever had. I got dressed, brushed my teeth and ran out of the house. I met my sister at the hospital and we ran upstairs. We didn't know anything that happened to our mom. As we got to ICU in a panic and asked for her.. she wasn't there. They told us to go to critical care unit. When we finally found her we were greeted by the nurse Margaret. They told us she was rushed there a few hours ago and were doing tests but no one was sure what happened. As we looked at our mom, we knew she was gone. There was no life in her eyes. Her pupils didn't dilate. We knew she was gone. After running a few tests there was no brain activity but they couldn't confirm it until she was there for 24 hours. It was the worst 24 hours of my life.

Now prior to this my family was broken. No one was really talking to each other. But as soon as this happened me and my 2 sisters were back together and strong for each other. Thank god we got strength from our mother. As we laid with her waiting for the neurologist to confirm there was no brain activity we talked to her, touched her, cried with her, laughed with her, we were even playing her favorite songs by rod stewart. It was so hard but I am so thankful that we got that time with her.

After we got the confirmation we discussed organ donation. My mother was the queen of hand me downs, and giving to charity, and paying it forward. I know she would have wanted to donate everything she could. So we signed the papers. They kept her body alive until they could repeat all the test from the day before for a final confirmation.

We invited all of our family to come and say their goodbyes. It wasn't easy for anyone. She was only 52. As a family that didn't get along, of course we didn't and there was fights and screaming. It was terrible. We let everyone say goodbye and then they left. It was my 2 sisters and I in the room as the doctor came in to pronounce her brain dead. It was 5:15pm on Friday January 13. Our mother was dead.

I couldn't believe it. She was healthy. She had a massive heart attack and lost oxygen to her brain. We are not sure for how long, but it was at least 30 minutes. Our little chicken was gone. And we were leaving the hospital without her. Without anything.

My sisters and I came together to plan a funeral. I never lost anyone in my family. I still have all my grandparents, aunts, uncles.. everyone.. So we had no idea how to do any of it. Thank god my mom's friend came over and brought us to the funeral home. Carmen Spezzi Funeral Home in Sayreville NJ. They are AMAZING! they helped us with every step.

We spent the next few days printing pictures and going through all my moms papers. She saved every piece of paper that was important. She had the sale paper from buying a car in 1984.

We got ready to go to her funeral. She was going to be cremated so there was only 1 viewing and a service at the wake. There was about 500 people that showed up. It was so overwhelming. I knew there was going to be a lot of people but I never thought that much. It was so nice to have so much support from her friends and our family. Even friends from elementary school came. Every time I saw someone that was important to me it felt like a punch in the gut. It was just so overwhelming to see people be there for you. Even people who I haven't seen in 10 years. We played all her favorite songs and put up about 600 pictures. It was nice that everyone got to see her from her childhood till now.

Then again we left our girl. We left with nothing again. It was so hard. I am thankful she was in love when she passed and she wasn't alone.

Rip Michele Wyckoff
6/7/59- 1/13/12