let go and let GOD

Finally reached the point of feeling whole in my life. I NEVER thought or imagined it would happen by being in Church. I NEVER expected it to come from God. I never understood what that feeling was in you gut until I started talking to God.

I had been searching for a few month for some direction in my life. I needed to learn to let go of my childhood. I felt like my past was holding me back from getting to where I want. I researched counselors, tried to talk to friends, my husband nothing was working. I knew I needed it but didn't know where to find the answer. Then all of a sudden my brother in law shows up and stays over for a few nights.(God works in mysterious ways) He started telling me about his church and how he loved it. I was VERY skeptical. I grew up in a catholic church and would go but never felt connected to it. I was never moved. I hardly could understand what they were talking about in church. Church just wasn't for me.

But as I sat and talked to him I was very curious to check it out for myself. I have a lot of friends who have amazing relationships with their faith. I have been drawn to these kind of people for a long time but never tried it out for myself. So as I spent a few days with him, I decided to pick up my family and go to Florida to check it out for myself. It was a very last minute decision to go, so flying a family of 4 wasn't an option. I jumped on the computer and rented a car. While I was booking the car, I had deja vu. I KNEW in my gut that this is what I was supposed to be doing. (now I know that it was God telling me to get off my butt and go!) So we packed up the kids, got the car and drove from NY to Miami, Fl. 

It was so nice to spend time with my family down there. The kids got to see their cousins. The weather is beautiful and the people are nice. Way different then living here in Staten Island. I went to Walgreens and could park in a spot without walking from so far away, didn't have someone beeping and yelling at you for taking their spot, and no one blocked me in to 'just run in real quick'. It's all the little things that make your life easier that make a HUGE difference. 

Sunday came around. We all got up and worked out to Shaun T's new workout Focus T25! It was amazing workout! It was my sister and brother in laws first time doing the workout, so they were dying! Even the kids joined us. Then off to church we went. After showers of course! 

If you know me, you know that I am SUPER emotional. So of course I was crying with being in church for about 3 minutes. But it was because I felt like I have FINALLY found what I have been searching for! A real relationship with God. I always get my 'gut' instincts and 99% of the time I follow them. I knew I was connected to something greater then me. But I finally got to see it face to face. I found a family, a spiritual family. I felt like I was home.



I spent the new few hours crying, listening, absorbing everything that was being said. The pastor told me let go. Just let go and forgive everyone for hurting you. For what they did, how you grew up, the decisions you made because of it. Just let it go. It took me a few breathes to let it go. But I did. Just like that I forgave everyone in my past. I couldn't hold on to that pain anymore. It was holding me back. And then he called me out on my 'believe' bracelet. It had been given to me from my friend Lindsay Matway (lindsaymatway.blogspot.com). She gave it to us to remind us to believe in God and believe in yourself. He called out my bracelet because I wasn't sure if I believed this was really happening and if it was all real. The moment he said that I broke down again and let total control go. 

Now that I have been living my life listening to what he has to say, it is COMPLETELY different. I don't worry like I used to. I don't stress as much. I know he has my back and is going to give me everything I deserve. I live my life with prayer in it everyday. It is a little strange for me to even say this. I was NEVER that person who preached about faith. Just like I never thought I would be a coach, teaching people about health and fitness.. But I am now.  you can change your life if you choose to. Its up to you to live the way you want to. If you are not happy, you don't feel complete, you feel lost or unsure about your life, if you are happy but searching for something to be connected to.. I encourage you to try church. Try to find one that speaks to you. One that you are excited to go every week. Somewhere you go and feel alive. 

People come into your life at certain points for a reason. Open your mind and open your heart. Pay attention to what is going on. Follow your instinct. It is there for a reason. And remember God talks to you in YOUR OWN voice.. Im sure it would freak you out to hear someone else voice in your head.. LISTEN.